Montgomery's Points of Love and Assertion...

I’m following up on yesterday’s post about Dan Montgomery’s personality compass, as presented in his book, Finding Your Way.

Yesterday, I mentioned the four compass points, Love and Aggression, Weakness and Strength, and how all four must be balanced. The parings here are more or less polar opposites, and the effect with which we can balance them can have a lot to do with how balanced our personalities are.

Obviously, we all must love. Love is a Biblical dictate, loving God and loving each other sums up all the law. When we love in the right proportion, then we experience emotions of warmth, tenderness, caring and joy. But not enough love causes us to begin to loose compassion for others. We might become very defensive, and eventually will find ourselves resisting even God.

But we need to understand that love isn’t a license for others to walk all over us. Too much love allows others to take advantage, and we may find ourselves in such need of others approval that we loose our own dignity. People with issues with co-dependency may find themselves with too much love, and little or no assertion. Healthy love doesn’t allow others to exploit or abuse you.

The opposite pole from love is assertion. Being healthy in assertion allows us to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, and to express ourselves honestly without feeling guilty. Too much assertion may lead us to be obnoxious or aggressive, telling people off, or demanding our own way. And since love and assertion are opposite points on the compass, too much assertion prevents us from showing love.

Not enough assertion leads to too much love, and the problems noted above – being walked over, not standing up for yourself, and co-dependency issues.

We should try to be assertive enough to be able to share your own opinions with out being upset with those who differ from you. You can take stands without burning bridges, and you can express yourself without lashing out.

Tomorrow, we’ll look at the other two points on the compass, Weakness and Strength…