A Closing Thought on Social Regression

I have been passing along some thoughts over the last few days from Roberta Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, that show that our society today may be in crisis. Today, I would like to pass along one final thought on this (Again from Gilbert's book)…

How many people would it take, doing just one of the following -

• Connecting with their generations, eliminating family cutoffs
• Educating themselves as to the facts in our society – the regression (the social crisis)
• Becoming clear on their guiding principles, being guided by them instead of political correctedness or groupthink
• Taking a stand, after careful consideration
• Defining a self in their families
• Becoming principle-guided parents, rather than projecting a worried focus

- to bring the regression to an end? One can only guess how many it would take, but it is a fascinating question.

An answer to Social Regression

Yesterday, I looked at some statistics from Roberta Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, that show that our society today may be in crisis. That, according to Family Systems Theory, or Bowen Theory, we may be in a time the theory refers to as Social Regression.

What do we do about it? How can change the course of society? In a family system, in order for the system of change, one person in the system, preferably a parent, will need to make a stand for higher and better functioning of self. They will begin to function better in the system, and in time, the system will react differently and change in the system will come about. Can we apply this to Society as a whole?

Roberta Gilbert makes the following suggestions of how we can make a difference:

1. Learn the facts and begin to make a difference. If societal regression is to turn around, people will have to get out of denial and start learning what is really taking place in society. This will mean reading more books and searching outside the usual media sources for facts. There is little time on TV for imparting the big picture – all the facts.

2. Learn to “think systems” in families and in organizations. Under the effects of heightened anxiety, people tend not to see the “big picture” or to think systems.” Rather they tend to think “cause and effect,” laying blame (on others).

3. Get clear on one’s guiding principles and learn to think according to them rather than what society tries to dictate. If one believes the family to be important, for example, one will already be standing contrary to what much if not most of society dictates.

4. Take a stand, after careful consideration address the problems in accordance with principles. With clarity on the facts, and as much information on the process as possible, guided by one’s best principles, a stand must eventually be taken.

Tomorrow, one final thought on the problem of social regression according to family systems theory.

The Lord will fight for you...

 

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”

Exodus 14:14

 

The scene here is the end of the Israelite time of slavery in Egypt.  Moses went to Egypt to
ask Pharoah to let the Israelites go.  He said no.  God sent a sign, a plague of blood, all the waters in Egypt turned to blood.  Moses again asked Pharoah, Pharoah again said no.  So God sent more plagues – frogs, gnats, flies, all the livestock in Egypt died, people broke out in boils, hail destroyed crops, locusts ate what was left, the land turned dark for three days, and after each plague, Moses asked Pharoah, Pharoah said no.  Finally the last plague was the death of the firstborn, every firstborn son in Egypt died, and Pharoah finally said go.

But we saw in Exodus 14:5, “When the king of Egypt was told that the people had fled [the Israelite people – the Egyptian slaves], Pharoah and his officials changed their minds about them and said, ‘What have we done?  We have let the Israelites go and have lost their service.’”

So Pharoah pursued them, we heard the numbers of chariots, all of Pharoah’s army was in pursuit of the Israelites.  And the Israelites were camped out along the Red Sea, seemingly trapped when the army was approaching.  If we kept reading we would have seen the miraculous deliverance, the parting of the sea, the Israelites crossing on dry ground, the Egyptian pursuit, the sea closing in again, destroying the Egyptian army.

But I want us to see tonight, is the last verse that I shared.  This was part of the reading for last night’s Prayer for Healing service, and it really stuck with me.  The last verse read, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”

We saw how anxious the Israelites were.  They were arguing with Moses, if you just left us alone in Egypt it would have been better.  We would much rather be slaves then die in the desert.  They were fearful, scared, sure they were going to die.  And Moses said, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”  And the Lord did.  And the Israelites were saved.

I want to point that out because in our own lives we have plenty to be anxious about.  There are things that don’t look so good, we don’t know how they might play out.  Health scares.  Finances, the stock market drops lower every day.  Inflation – the government says it’s 7 ½ %, but our chicken for our chicken BBQ is up 25%, gas, while coming down now, has doubled, up 100%.  Groceries are more expensive every week.  A whole lot more than 7 ½ % overall.

It can seem like we’re fighting just to hold our own.  But remember what Moses said, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”  Trust in God, turn everything over to Him, and be still.

How Can I Forgive Myself?

This week at Almond Union of Churches, we continued our series on Forgiveness:  The real F word.  While last week we looked at how to make sure we were forgiven by God in  a message titled Finding Forgiveness, this week we look at how to forgive ourselves, in a message titled, How Can I Forgive Myself.

I identified three steps I must carry out to be able to truly forgive myself.  Last week we looked in depth at the first.  This week we summarized that message by going over the three steps again:  We must 1) recognize our need for God, 2) return to God, 3) receive forgiveness through Jesus and what He did on the cross.  but possibly the most important part of that message was that forgiveness is available to everyone who will turn to God and earnestly seek it.  The first step in my being able to forgive myself, is to come to God seeking forgiveness from Him, and knowing for sure that I have been forgiven.  Forgiveness by God enables me to forgive myself.  I can't possibly forgive myself if God hasn't first forgiven me.

The second step in my forgiving myself is to change my behavior.  We call this repentance.  I will never be able to forgive myself for something if I'm still doing it.  If I'm feeling grief and shame and despair, and I desperately want to be able to forgive myself for this, I've got to stop doing it.  I've got to turn away from the wrong behavior that caused these feelings of regret, and I've got to turn to God and make sure I get right with God again.

The third and final step in being able to forgive myself is to create a new future for myself.  Many people who experience the pain and regret and despair from sin fail here.  They are tempted to withdraw and isolate themselves and continue on in the pain they feel.  In order for us to get past it, we've got to truly start again, to step out in faith in the path God has for us.

If you would like to read the entire message, click on the title below.  You will also find an audio link if you would rather listen to it.

Forgiveness:  How Can Forgive Myself?

A Closing thought on Social Regression...

I have been passing along some thoughts over the last few days from Roberta Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, that show that our society today may be in crisis. Today, I would like to pass along one final thought on this (Again from Gilbert's book)…

How many people would it take, doing just one of the following -

• Connecting with their generations, eliminating family cutoffs
• Educating themselves as to the facts in our society – the regression (the social crisis)
• Becoming clear on their guiding principles, being guided by them instead of political correctedness or groupthink
• Taking a stand, after careful consideration
• Defining a self in their families
• Becoming principle-guided parents, rather than projecting a worried focus

- to bring the regression to an end? One can only guess how many it would take, but it is a fascinating question.

An answer to Social Regression...

Yesterday, I looked at some statistics from Roberta Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, that show that our society today may be in crisis. That, according to Family Systems Theory, or Bowen Theory, we may be in a time the theory refers to as Social Regression.

What do we do about it? How can change the course of society? In a family system, in order for the system of change, one person in the system, preferably a parent, will need to make a stand for higher and better functioning of self. They will begin to function better in the system, and in time, the system will react differently and change in the system will come about. Can we apply this to Society as a whole?

Roberta Gilbert makes the following suggestions of how we can make a difference:

1. Learn the facts and begin to make a difference. If societal regression is to turn around, people will have to get out of denial and start learning what is really taking place in society. This will mean reading more books and searching outside the usual media sources for facts. There is little time on TV for imparting the big picture – all the facts.

2. Learn to “think systems” in families and in organizations. Under the effects of heightened anxiety, people tend not to see the “big picture” or to think systems.” Rather they tend to think “cause and effect,” laying blame (on others).

3. Get clear on one’s guiding principles and learn to think according to them rather than what society tries to dictate. If one believes the family to be important, for example, one will already be standing contrary to what much if not most of society dictates.

4. Take a stand, after careful consideration address the problems in accordance with principles. With clarity on the facts, and as much information on the process as possible, guided by one’s best principles, a stand must eventually be taken.

Tomorrow, one final thought on the problem of social regression according to family systems theory.

Choosing God...

I was talking to a wonderful lady in our church on Easter morning, and she mentioned how happy she was with her work in the church. She does as much as anyone, and I was certainly glad to hear her comments.

The comment came after the discussion of another member, who had just experienced a tragedy in their life. She made the comment that she hoped it would bring them closer to God and they would come to church, and get active in the church. She continued by saying that tragedy doesn’t always have that affect on people, sometimes people go the other way, and distance themselves from church and from God.

Perhaps that comes from blaming God. Perhaps that comes from a desire to be alone for a while after tragedy. Perhaps it comes from shutting ourselves out from others.

Yet the church offers a family that cares. Our church shows that so often with so many who are struggling. That's what church is about. Those that don't feel comfort from their struggles from the church probably aren't sharing their struggles with the church. Being open, you will find the church a very caring group.

She has experienced her share of tragedy over the years. For her, she chose God, and that choice has made all the difference.

Finding peace in what you can't understand...

On Thursday I performed a funeral for a young man who died suddenly. He was my age, and in getting to know him, I found that we had a lot in common.

It’s hard to explain the death of someone in their late 40’s. In fact, you can’t explain it. We come to funerals like this showing our lack of understanding. There really is so much that we don’t understand. Most of the time we can hide it well, we can appear to be in control of our own lives, our own destiny. But once in a while something happens that seems very unfair, shockingly unfair, and we realize that we really don’t understand as much as we might have thought we understood.

These things that we can’t understand can rock our world. They shake our foundations. We thought we knew a little bit about life, and then something happens to remind us we really don’t. But we want to. More than anything, the human race wants to understand. We pursue understanding. Everyone of us, to some extent, thinks we understand things. We all develop our own opinions. We believe we know the way things are. So it can be particularly devastating to find that we don’t understand the really big things. Life. Death. Disease. As hard as we try, we find that there is always more that we don’t understand, then what we do understand.

Perhaps one of God’s greatest blessings is the ability to find peace, even in those situations we may never understand. Peace is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Understanding isn’t.

When your foundations are shaken, seek God’s peace. We may never understand, but we may find peace.

Bricks that you can't build with

Here is quote that I came across last week that I really liked:

“God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind. Sometimes, you don’t have time to listen, and He has to throw a brick at you. It’s your choice: Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick.”

Just a short thought for today – are you listening? Or does God occasionally have to use a brick?

Beating anxiety in Family Systems...

I have been taking a class on Family Systems Theory. The full title of the class is: “The Presence of the Past” Advanced Training in Family Systems Theory: an ongoing colloquium for educators, health care providers, faith leaders, social services professionals, as well as individuals, parents, and couples who have a working knowledge of Bowen Family Systems Theory.” Quite a mouthful, isn’t it?

According to the literature I have from the Center for Family Systems Theory of Western New York (another mouthful), Family Systems Theory, or Bowen Theory, is rapidly becoming one of the most popular and effective methods of problem solving. Unlike conventional psychological theory which focuses on the individual, Family Systems Theory encourages people to think of issues in terms of a multigenerational family or a “system.” This approach encourages people to move away from blaming others and towards individual responsibility.

What I have been studying most so far is the role of anxiety in our relationships. We can usually get along with others just fine until anxiety is increased. That’s when we start to loose it. But often just one person in a family or group, remaining calm, can have a calming affect on the entire family or group.

We call that an un-anxious presence. What would it look like if we could be an un-anxious presence in the midst of the anxiety around us? I think of Jesus – I picture Him as a very un-anxious presence. Pharisees and Temple Priests and other religious leaders were always trying to catch Him at something that might validate there ministries, and prove Him wrong – yet He never became anxious (well, almost never – He did sort of loose it when they turned the temple into a marketplace).

That kind of calm in the midst of anxiety is what is needed today. Is the church providing it?

If not, and if we are truly filled with the Holy Spirit, trusting in God, why are not providing it???