Always Believe in Miracles

Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl. "Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend?  Your sister?"

"Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly.

Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.  "She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!" the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.

Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas. When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted. "What is it?" Santa asked warmly.

“Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but..." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors.  “The girl in the photograph ... my granddaughter .. well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa ... any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."

Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do.

Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "this is the least I can do." When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to Children's Hospital.

"Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.

Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier that day. "C'mon .... I'll take you there," Rick said softly.

Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall.

Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed. The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl's brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah.

Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!"

"Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him, IV tubes in tact. Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room. As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering "thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes.

Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd been a very good girl that year. As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.

"Oh, yes, Santa ... I do!" she exclaimed.

“Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you,” he said. Laying one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night .... all is calm, all is bright." The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all. When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own. "Now, Sarah," he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!" He knew it was risky proclaiming that, to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or toys -- but the gift of HOPE.

"Yes, Santa!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room. Out in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed. Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa's side to thank him.

"My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly. "This is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged him.

One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap. "Hi, Santa!  Remember me?!"

"Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her.  After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment.

"You came to see me in the hospital last year!" Santa's jaw  dropped.  Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.

That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus. He had witnessed - and been blessed to be instrumental in bringing about – this miracle of hope. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank you, Father.

Four Wives...

Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives. He loved the 4th wife the most
and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times.

The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her!

One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone."

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"

"No way!" replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!" His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, wil! l you follow me and keep me company?"

"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave." Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:

Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.

Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, it will all go to others.

Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go.

Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.

Judge Not

     There was an old man in a village, very poor, but even the kings were jealous of him because he had
a beautiful white horse.  Kings offered fabulous prices for the horse, but the man would say, “This horse is not a horse to me, he is a person.  And how can you sell a person, a friend?”  The man was very poor, but he never sold the horse.  One morning, he found that the horse was not in the stable.  The whole village gathered and said, “You foolish old man!  We knew that someday the horse would be stolen.  It would have been better to sell it.  What a misfortune!”

The old man said, “Don’t go so far as to say that.  Simply say that the horse is not in the stable.  This is the fact; everything else is a judgment.  Whether it is a misfortune or a blessing I do not know, because this is just a fragment.  Who knows what is going to follow it?” 

People laughed at the old man.  They had always known that he was a little crazy.  But after fifteen days, suddenly one night the horse returned.  He had not been stolen, he had escaped into the wild.  And not only that, he brought a dozen wild horses back with him.  Again the people gathered and they said, “Old man, you were right.  This was not a misfortune, it has indeed proved to be a blessing.”  The old man said, “Again you are going to far.  Just say the horse is back, who knows whether it is a blessing or not?  It is only a fragment.  You read a single word in a sentence – how can you judge the whole book?”

This time the people did not say much, but inside they knew that he was wrong.  Twelve beautiful horses had come…  Of course it was a blessing!

The old man had an only son who started to train the wild horses.  Just a week later he fell from a horse and both his legs were broken.  The people gathered again and again they judged.  They said, “Again, you proved right!  It was a misfortune.  You only son has lost the use of his legs, and in your old age he was your only support.  Now you are poorer than ever.” 

The old man said, “You are obsessed with judgment.  Don’t go that far.  Say only that my son has broken his legs.  Nobody knows whether this is a misfortune or a blessing.  Life comes in fragments and more is never given to you.”

It happened that after a few weeks the country went to war, and all the young men of the town were forcibly taken for the military.  Only the old man’s son was left, because he was crippled.  The whole town was crying and weeping, because it was a losing fight, and they knew most of the young people would never come back.  They came to the old man and they said, “You were right, old man, this has proved to be a blessing.  Maybe your son is crippled, but he is still with you.  Our sons are gone forever.”

The man said again, “You go on and on judging.  Nobody knows!  Only say this, that your sons have been forced to enter into the army, and my son has not been forced.  But only God knows whether it is a blessing or a misfortune.”

“Judge ye not” – otherwise you will never become one with God.  With fragments you will be obsessed, with small things you jump to conclusions.  Once you judge you have stopped growing. 

      Judgment means a stale state of mind.  And mind always wants judgment, because to be in process is always hazardous and uncomfortable.  In fact, the journey never ends.  One path ends, another begins.  One door closes, another opens.  You reach a peak, a higher peak is always there.  God is an endless journey.  Only those who are so courageous that they don’t bother about the goal but are content with the journey, content just to live the moment and grow into it, only those are able to walk with God.

A Closing Thought on Social Regression

I have been passing along some thoughts over the last few days from Roberta Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, that show that our society today may be in crisis. Today, I would like to pass along one final thought on this (Again from Gilbert's book)…

How many people would it take, doing just one of the following -

• Connecting with their generations, eliminating family cutoffs
• Educating themselves as to the facts in our society – the regression (the social crisis)
• Becoming clear on their guiding principles, being guided by them instead of political correctedness or groupthink
• Taking a stand, after careful consideration
• Defining a self in their families
• Becoming principle-guided parents, rather than projecting a worried focus

- to bring the regression to an end? One can only guess how many it would take, but it is a fascinating question.

An answer to Social Regression

Yesterday, I looked at some statistics from Roberta Gilbert’s book, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, that show that our society today may be in crisis. That, according to Family Systems Theory, or Bowen Theory, we may be in a time the theory refers to as Social Regression.

What do we do about it? How can change the course of society? In a family system, in order for the system of change, one person in the system, preferably a parent, will need to make a stand for higher and better functioning of self. They will begin to function better in the system, and in time, the system will react differently and change in the system will come about. Can we apply this to Society as a whole?

Roberta Gilbert makes the following suggestions of how we can make a difference:

1. Learn the facts and begin to make a difference. If societal regression is to turn around, people will have to get out of denial and start learning what is really taking place in society. This will mean reading more books and searching outside the usual media sources for facts. There is little time on TV for imparting the big picture – all the facts.

2. Learn to “think systems” in families and in organizations. Under the effects of heightened anxiety, people tend not to see the “big picture” or to think systems.” Rather they tend to think “cause and effect,” laying blame (on others).

3. Get clear on one’s guiding principles and learn to think according to them rather than what society tries to dictate. If one believes the family to be important, for example, one will already be standing contrary to what much if not most of society dictates.

4. Take a stand, after careful consideration address the problems in accordance with principles. With clarity on the facts, and as much information on the process as possible, guided by one’s best principles, a stand must eventually be taken.

Tomorrow, one final thought on the problem of social regression according to family systems theory.

Social Crisis?

I have just finished a class in Family Systems Theory, and have been doing some further reading. Essentially this theory, also called Bowen Theory after its founder, Murray Bowen, indicates that we are part of a system, and we operate as part of a system. As one person in a system changes, we react to that change, and the whole system changes. I find this very interesting in that when we change, we can change the system. I can use this in counseling people to help them realize they can change the family by changing how they react in the family.

One of the concepts in Family Systems Theory is that the theory also works to affect the emotional processes in society as a whole, not just members of a family or work system. To support this concept on a society wide basis, Roberta Gilbert, in her book, “The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory,” Gilbert suggests that we are in a period of social regression. To support this, she brings out some interesting statistics:

In 1940 the teachers in California were polled to find out what they considered the most troublesome problems they faced. The results were: Talking, Chewing gum, Making noise, Running in the halls, Getting out of line, Wearing improper clothing, and Not putting paper in the wastebasket.

Again, in 1990, fifty years later, they were polled. This time the answers were quite different: Drug Abuse, Alcohol abuse, Pregnancy, Suicide, Rape, Robbery, Assault.

In fifty years our society has changed a great deal if the schools are any indication.

Consider also that between 1963 and 1993 the crime rate went up 360%, youth crime is up 200%, teen pregnancy is up 600% and teen suicide is up 300% (now the second most important cause of death in teens, after accidents). One in five teens attempted suicide, single parents increased by 300%, SAT scores are down 7% and drug use is up over 1,000%.

These statistics show an overall deterioration in our society. If the theory is correct, and we are in a time of social regression, what can do about it? We’ll look at Gilberts ideas in tomorrow’s post…